http://www.bulgalien.com/created-jokes- ... funny.html
Jokes for foreigners living in bulgaria- a bit pessimistic, but i think it's funny.
You know your living with Bulgarians, or in Bulgaria when….
Your girlfriend’s parents don’t speak the same language as you, and they look miserable all the time.
Your friends take you to clubs and get you pissed drunk to the point where you can’t walk, so they can laugh.
If someone has the ability to screw you over with money, or time, or business, eventually they will.
The people around you take more fucking holidays than god ever created.
You’ve lost or gained a minimum of 10 pounds since you’ve arrived.
Your driving skills have graduated to a professional Nascar level.
People younger than you drive 80,000 dollar cars.
Everybody looks at you from their cars while stuck in traffic, they don’t smile, they just stare. As if to say “I’m just as miserable as you are, even though I’m driving a Mercedes”.
Global statistics actually prove you are in the most unhappy country in the world. Ethiopia is #7.
In business, no one ever calls you back, ever! (Unless your going to buy something from them, or they expect money)
Celebrating someone’s name suddenly became acceptable. Why?
People think it’s ok to be poor, as long as that have a very stable, poor income.
You start hearing the words “it’s enough to live” in a positive tone.
Your employees work 30% of the time, and complain about how they have to work so much.
Everybody-- everywhere smokes, ---all the time!!
Taxi drivers are always pissed at you for making them do their jobs.
Beautiful women suddenly became interested in you. Your looks have just improved by 50% or more.
Women around you don’t usually expect much, and will most likely give a lot.
Men around you expect too much....period.
Your wife, girlfriend, husband or boyfriend, or business partner is cheating on you, somehow, someway.
People around you think that love is 2,500 euro a month, and a car.
Drinking all the time has become acceptable in your mind.
You have to take a plane to get to an AA meeting.
It’s normal to park on the sidewalk, oh.. and people walk across the street as if they want to get hit by the next luxury vehicle.
Pensions are a fucking joke. Oh, and Contracts don’t mean shit either.
At least 50% of the men around you are complete, utter, useless idiots, that wear tight black shirts and pretend to be associated with the 400 person organization known as the “mafia”.
The only place to meet other people like you is in an Irish bar.
McDonalds feels like home.
When the opened the Bugerking in the mall, it was exciting news.
They don’t have your medication in the pharmacy, but the doctor writes you a script thinking your medication actually does exist in the country. And you have to go to 8 pharmacies just to realize he was the fucking idiot all along.
The #1 diagnosis in the country, for anything, is “STRESS”, no matter what your problem is, your 60% likely to be suffering from “stress”. You have to go to a minimum of two “stress” doctors before you get to the third who realizes you have bronchitis.
A 30 year old man will leverage 10,000 euro with the bank to be able to purchase an 80,000 euro brand new BMW, and still live with his mother.
You find yourself watching a lot more CNN, because there is just a lack of English channels.
Anything you buy breaks in two weeks or less. Especially high end electronics.
People take vacations to a 3rd world country scenery, and consider this, Time off.
The public has the ability to rent very famous pop singers for sex. (chalga singers, and yes its true)
It seems like 80% of the city disappears whenever there is a “holiday, attached to a weekend”. Oh, and the business that you need to be working on that day (a Thursday), like your internet provider, doesn’t work.
People are required to work on Saturdays sometimes, but never actually do any work when they get there, they just complain about working on Saturday, and it’s the dumbest fucking rule in the country that you live in.
Giving money to the police for no apparent reason has recently became an OK thing to do.
Customer service is about as understandable to the locals as Hieroglyphics.
You’d rather slit your wrists in a tub of rubbing alcohol than deal with the annual process of renewing your citizenship documents, or processing your original citizenship documents to begin with. (focussed more towards non-EU people)
It’s the only other country in the world (other than the US) where people actually get married to avoid the visa process.
People expect more than they deserve, and complain for hours when it doesn’t happen, and the same people will do something corrupt to justify the fact that they did not receive the over expected items in the first place.
Everybody is a certified fucking therapist and can advise you on your life and how to live it. It doesn’t matter that they make 475 dollars a month, they still know better.
Secretaries are as hot as movie stars, but never speak English very well.
The phrase “it’s Bulgaria” suddenly explains a lot.
People from your home country have no idea where the hell you are. And most likely they’ve forgotten about you by now.
You’ve literally lowered your standards of living, and have gotten used to it.
You’ve replaced a diner and movie for a Big Mac Menu, half a bottle of vodka and a downloaded torrent.
Somewhere along the line they stopped putting the actual bowl on the toilet, just a ceramic hole in the ground. Oh and they charged you a quarter just to squat in it.
Waitresses never seem to get your order right, and they never care when they got it wrong in the first place.
At a restaurant, you and your friend’s meals will come out separately with a 30 minute difference. This has become a completely normal thing, and you have actually stopped noticing how fucked up it is.
30% of the menu is just a lie. They will always, never has something you want. (It’s an Oxymoron right? Yea, so is your life.)
You can sit in a restaurant for 3 hours and only pay 1.50 USD.
Your girlfriend’s or boyfriend’s parents cook for you, and constantly re-ask if you liked it, and never believe you when you say yes.
Your girlfriend’s or boyfriend’s family loves you more than they do.
People make their own liquor, and no matter how horrible it tastes, they are still kind enough to make sure you drink some.
Having a college education actually doesn’t matter anymore, where you live, success is not defined by knowledge.
Real estate brokers should be replaced with chimps doped up on morphine; at least maybe the chimps would be able to make an honest deal.
You love your friends and the close people around you, because there must something about the lack of rules, the "freedom mentality" that they posses, or the laid back life style that they live.
You actually believe you’re doing, going to do, or have done something productive in the time that you’ve been living in this particular country. And justify living here for some reason that would normally not be considered rational, at home.
Every day you wake up and ask yourself, what the fuck am I doing here.
And if you've lived in Bulgaria for two years or more, you've adapted to the suroundings so well that you dont realize most of the things above. But something inside you constantly screams, this just isnt right. And you find it hard to leave due to external reasons (love, money, sex, adventure) that makes you justify your exsistance here on a daily basis.
(((Please let me know which of these you like the best, or you opinions on them in general, i want to feel like im not the only one)))
For more personal contact, or to have more of a local experience between expats and nationals- feel free to skype me. I'm actually a funny guy, this was all just a joke on the possible negative aspects that we encounter everyday.
Skype - Jzdatck624
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